Thursday, August 8, 2013
How to Embarrass Your Teenager in 4 Easy Steps
So The Teenager has a "friend" who just happens to be a girl. For the sake of my child's further embarrassment we shall call her "Cindy" for the rest of this tale.
This is our first experience with teenage romance, and I'm trying to be cool about it.
Being that we live in a small town, have to drive 1/2 an hour to a movie theater, and the weather hasn't exactly been conducive to outdoor activities, I said, "You know she's always welcome to come over to our house and hang out."
The teenager- "Thanks mom, but our house is weird." He shrugged, "maybe...I'll think about it."
Me- "Our house isn't that weird, you can stay away from your brothers. We'll be on our best behavior"
Teenager- "We have chickens, and ducks, and rabbits... it's weird."
Me- "Whatever, she's welcome here, even though we're weird."
Step 1- Convince him that your abnormal house is not that odd.
So the day arrived, I had some errands to run and agreed to pick up "Cindy" on our way home. That way she could hang out at our "not so weird house" for awhile in the afternoon.
It just so happens that one of my errands had been to the pet store to buy crickets for the menagerie that lives in Nathan's room.
So there were bags of bugs in the car... perfectly normal.
I called Nathan who was playing down the street to come get his bugs and deal with them.
Step 2- Have bags of bugs in the car when you pick her up.
So I grabbed a couple of grocery bags, so did the teenager, and the girl. We got to the door when the screaming started...
No he was screaming... kind of like someone had cut his arms off...
"MOOMMMMMMYYYYYYY" Nathans shrill voice carried to our yard from the alley.
I dropped my grocery bags and ran, sure that I was going to find my child in dire straights.
Or at least with a skinned knee.
Step 3- Incite panic in his younger brother, and make sure there is screaming.
I did not find a wound, or a broken arm, or aliens mid-abduction.
I found chickens.
A happy little flock of my chickens to be precise. After enacting their great escape under the fence (that I did not think anyone could fit under) they took a stroll around the neighborhood and found themselves in the alley.
"I tried to pick them up, but I couldn't hold them all," My flustered child said, "I tried to call you but you didn't answer your phone, so I yelled."
That you did my dear...
The chickens who were exceptionally happy to see me, and I think relieved to be led home after getting themselves lost, followed Nathan and I down the alley, and into the yard.
Step 4- Lead a flock of way word chickens into the yard, and act as if taking your chickens for a walk around the neighborhood is perfectly normal.
"Cindy" found the whole spectacle quite entertaining, and said that her house was just as weird.
Anthony turned three shades of red, and gave me a look that said, "I told you so" in about 76 different languages.
By the end of the day she became "girl-friend".
We must not be too weird...
at 1:30 PM